January Character Challenge: Compassion

I don't believe I've mentioned that one of the things I want to accomplish this year is to become a better person as a whole and to teach my children to be better people. This month I've been considering the fact that because of experiences in my own life I don't have a great deal of compassion for others. I know it's wrong.

I know when my compassion disappeared and I know who took it. I can't share that experience here as I am writing this using my real name and I don't want to shame others for something that happened so long ago. What I do know is that I felt there was virtually no one with compassion for me during a deeply troubled time.

And while I have forgiven the person/people that led to this, I simply hardened my heart towards allowing it to happen again. When I see others hurt I have a hard time extending any soft feelings because my thinking has been "I pulled myself out of it so you can too. Suck it up." Even with my own children I have bounced between a mother's compassion and needing to teach them to be hard against the world in order to protect themselves from those that would cause them harm. It's really hard to admit that I have not been the mother that I should be because I couldn't always find compassion for my own children. Not that I have abused them, but I have been hardhearted towards them at times when most mothers would not.

After some soul searching I have found that parts of me are really ugly. Parts of my soul are rather dark because of things that have happened over the years and that I have allowed to separate me from my true spirit, from the goodness of God. (Don't worry, I'm not going to get preachy.)

I looked up the definition of compassion: a feeling of wanting to help someone who is sick, hungry, in need, hurting, etc.

I know that does not currently describe me, but I know it can. So I am starting my journey into compassion with my family. I will look at their needs and desires as a way for me to show my ability to change and to embrace that while I still need to teach them how to be productive human beings, we can all be a little more understanding and helpful to those in need around us.