I've Got a New Attitude

Excitement, fear, terror, anticipation, panic. Yep, I've got all those at once. As I sit here just a few days before the dawn of a new year I worry that I will crash and burn just as I have before. After all, I've been "trying to lose weight" for seven years. Wow, it's really been that long. I worry that I will continue to talk about my dreams rather than taking action or that if it gets to hard then I will abandon all hope and just quit. Again, true story.

And then I realized something. While I may not be exactly where I want to be at the end of 2014, I am way better off than where I was at the end of 2013. My marriage is growing stronger, my relationships with my kids are better, my overall mindset is much more positive and our money situation is controllable. Oh and I've made peace with the fact that I don't have to bring money in to help my family. I am most helpful to my family when I keep control of the money my husband brings in, provide them with clean laundry, teach the kids basic living skills, cook meals and help bring us all together by planning family activities and events. I wish with all my heart that I had discovered the joy in those things many years ago. That is when the sadness takes over. Knowing that our life has been spent with too many unhappy years breaks my heart.

I go forward into 2015 laying the sadness down and picking up the joy that each moment forward is one to embrace and be thankful for. I am thankful for the many blessings of 2014 and I open my arms to receive the amazing experience that is yet to come.

I will take each day as the gift it is and take action to create the life that is waiting for all of us. You see, I've known all along that dreams without action are just wishful thinking. The problem is that it has always been easier to just let things happen instead of making them happen. I can do just enough to get by or I can take the bull by the horns and ride that sucker until we've covered every inch of excitement there is to be had.

What do you say? You ready to give up just existing and start living?

The One Year Mommy Makeover Challenge-Are You Ready for 2015?

We all have those moments where the very idea of staying the same is more than we can bear. We have New Year's resolutions that start with good intentions and end up falling flatter than Fred Flintstone run over by a steamroller. Then comes Spring with all of its hopefulness and a sense of renewal. We are ready to head out into the great outdoors, throw open the windows and let the sun shine in. Somewhere among the joy we discover that while the weather may be beautiful, we are stuck in the same place we were last year. No changes have been made no matter how much we thought we wanted them. So I propose a challenge. Not against other moms but against ourselves. This challenge is designed to help you look at what you really want to change in your life and make baby steps toward that vision. This isn't your average challenge. It is a year long experiment as to how much we can change our lives if we set our minds to it and take action.

Here's the rules:

• The official starting date is Monday, January 5, 2015. (Because I know we all like to start on a Monday)
• The days leading up to January 5 are about enjoying the holidays and our families while creating our lists of goals that we want to accomplish in 2015. What parts of your life do you need to change that will give you a life you want? Remember that you can't change people, you can only change yourself. As you change, so will everything else.
• Consider everything fair game. Key places to look at making changes are: spiritual, health, home, marriage, career, friends and family.
• Look at changing daily habits that will help you reach realistic goals. If you want to lose 20 lbs then you will need to determine how much exercise per day/week you will need to do as well as how you need to change your diet.
• Use a spiral notebook, journal book, or even your own blog to document your progress. Take five minutes a day to jot down how things are going, how you are feeling, or just things you are thankful for.

A new post will appear daily to assist in your journey. (An experiment on my behalf for sure!)
This is a marathon not a sprint. The key is to take everything day by day.
You can join the Facebook page for more encouragement.

Your Activities Reflect What Is Important to You

What did you do today? What have you done this week? I want you to stop for a minute and think about your priorities. Now take a look at how your average week is planned out. Do those activities show the outside world what you hold as your highest priorities?

I'll confess that I have often said that my family is very important to me and yet I don't spend enough time with them or I am short-tempered. I have to consciously put aside the smartphone or stop working (I work from home) and make eye-contact in order to pay attention to what they are trying to tell me. Sadly though, there are times when I don't put away the devices or turn away from the computer. What does this mean?

I understand that people have to work to earn a living to support their children. All of the stories and play time isn't worth much if the kids are starving or you are about to lose your home. I get that. But of the time that is not spent working or if you are a stay-at-home mom there are times when you aren't cooking or cleaning (yes I know that it seems like there is always something to clean); how much of your "free" time is spent in front of the television or on Facebook or even on Candy Crush?

I'm not asking you to feel guilty about some "me" time stolen throughout the day. I'm asking you to stop and look at where your time is spent. You'll be surprised at where some of that 24 hours disappears to. And to the outside person looking in on your life? They would probably label your priorities differently than you would.

Instead of whining about how your children behave or about your dysfunctional relationships with your family, consider what activities you have done lately to fix/mend the problem. To quote a favorite line from the movie We are the Titans " The team's attitude reflects leadership." Your family is your team. They follow YOUR lead. Are you leading? Or are you simply letting things fall where they may?

Is the Idea of Contentment Killing Your Happiness?

If you've heard it once then you've heard it a million-gazillion times (yes gazillion is a number); you should be CONTENT with what you have because there are people in the world (or in your city/town, your neighborhood, heck-even your very own family) who have a worse life than you do. Yes, apparently we should all be CONTENT with our lives because someone else got a bum rap or because someone else made sucky choices. I've got a question for you. WHY? Why do you have to have a life that doesn't make you happy because SOMEONE ELSE isn't happy? 

If you are unhappy or simply "content" to stay where you are then that makes their life better? Should you decide not to have children because someone you know is having a hard time getting pregnant? Should you not go for that promotion because it means more money than anyone in your family has ever earned in their life?

Do you see where I'm going with this? Okay maybe you don't see being content as settling. Maybe you see it as being happy with what you have. That's a great sentiment. IF you are truly happy. And before you start yelling at me, I realize that we should be grateful for what we have and who we have in our lives. After all, not everyone has a roof over their head, a job and people that love them. I get that. This isn't about being ungrateful. 

What I want to know is are you so obsessed with being thankful for the life you have that you haven't stopped to think about what would truly make you happy in life? Would you be happier as a stay-at-home mom? Would you be happier to travel the world? Would you be happier alone? Okay maybe the last one is iffy. This is the MOMMY makeover challenge so being alone isn't really an option. But maybe you want different relationships with your husband/significant other or even different relationships with your kid(s). 

While what you're going through may not be something easy to fix (infants require dirty diaper changes at least once a day cause things can get seriously messy otherwise and toddlers can't be left to make their own dinner) but there is a difference between accepting the season that you are in and sacrificing happiness. You don't have to be the raving lunatic of a mother. You don't have to be the fat mom or the yoga pants mom. You don't have to STAY the working or stay-at-home mom. 

Start thinking about what would make you truly happy. Are there steps you can take to wind your way to that path? Now like I said over here you can't just run away. But do you know the greatest gift you can give your kids is a happy mom? 

Having contentment with your life is often a way to bring peace to yourself. I believe (from personal experience) that you can be thankful for the amazing blessings and gifts that are in your life while still being uncomfortable enough to make the changes necessary. That's what the Mommy Makeover Challenge is all about. Love the life you have and the people that are in it, but get out there and change all of the crappy stuff that makes you miserable. Are you ready to kick contentment across the curb and out of the neighborhood? Stop choking your potential for happiness and get ready for exciting changes. 

Prepping for Awesomtasticly Amazing Change: Eat, Pray, Love: The Mommy Version

Eat, Pray, Love

This story is the essential “needing to find myself” answer. A woman takes off on a year-long journey through Italy and India in order to reconnect with her spirit and discover what is missing in her life. Her journey is interesting and enlightened. The thing is that as mothers with children at home, disappearing for a year is completely unrealistic in any form. (Unless, of course, you are a completely self-centered dumba** And if that's the case then I'm not sure why you're still reading) The good news is that we don’t have to go anywhere to connect to our spirits and our loved ones. 

The Mommy Disconnection

This is the moment in a woman’s life in which she wakes up one day and realizes that a week went by and she only remembers cooking, cleaning and laundry. When someone asks her name she refers to herself as someone’s mother or someone’s wife. She no longer seems to have an identity of her own. This doesn’t mean that being a mom or a wife is a bad thing. The problem is that instead of enjoying the moments of each day you often find yourself wondering around in a fog; cleaning up after your children and doing for them but not teaching them. Somewhere along the way, people told us that it is our job to take care of our children’s needs but forgot to remind us that our job is also to train our children to be productive adults. We need to instruct them on basic life skills such as cooking, cleaning and laundry. We also need to teach them about honest work, integrity, responsibility, compassion, helping others, managing their finances and how to treat their family. You are not just a caretaker and you should look at every day as an adventure, not just one more day to get through without major injury.

What can you teach your children today? Do they make their beds or help load the dishwasher? How many different leaves can they find in the backyard? Do they know how to use a knife and fork or mix up a cake batter?

It’s not about finding anything (other than the fact that no one and nothing can MAKE you happy-it's a decision-but more on that later) , it’s about creating the woman we want to be. Stop trying to figure out how to get back to that passionate individual you were at 18 or 20 years of age. Know what? That ship has sailed and be honest, as “free” as you felt back then, you were an idiot. Acknowledge it and quit romanticizing about what might have been. It is time to honestly evaluate what type of woman you desire to be and figure out what it takes to get there. If you have to “fake it till you make it” then so be it. As a matter of fact, this is often the best way to become that person.

• ·         Do you want to be more responsible with money? Start keeping track of where your money goes. Work out a budget. Learn about investing.
• ·         Do you want to lose weight or simply be healthier? Learn about proper exercise and nutrition techniques. Take action on the knowledge.
• ·         Maybe you want to be more compassionate, reliable, charitable.
• ·         Do your actions match up with your moral beliefs? Do you know what your moral beliefs are?

Life doesn’t happen to us, we decide how life will go. Your life is not the way it is by accident. Each and every decision you made in the past, no matter how insignificant it may have seemed at the time, is what got you where you are today. So quit whining about how awful things are with your finances, your children, your husband, or your career. You got here by choices you made and you can change those same circumstances by the choices you make from this point onward.

 Certainly the attitudes of your husband and children have something to do with the turn that your life takes. How you react to those attitudes will forage the path through the woods and into the clearing that is awaiting you as your peaceful sanctuary. If Sally or Johnny are having a temper tantrum, you falling apart by yelling or crying will only escalate the situation.  The way that you start your day will affect your entire daily living. I am not a morning person but my day must always start before the rest of the household. Without my time to meditate, exercise, shower and dress for the day I am rather cranky. Even on weekends I try to make it up before everyone else if to do nothing more than to grab a cup of coffee and read in silence. Even if you can rise 15 minutes before everyone else, it can help set your day on the right foot. Get dressed, drink some juice or coffee, do a few stretches, or simply check your to do list for the day.

What Kind of Mommy Pit are You In?

If you're not quite sure what I'm talking about then stop for a moment and look around at your life. Are you stuck, overwhelmed, lonely, existing but not living or worse yet, living in the past filled with shame and regret? The walls are closing in around you and everywhere you touch there is no grace or cushion to aide your daily grind/despair.

You're in a pit that is filled with:

• unrealized dreams
• overwhelm with the constant 24/7 care of the little ones
• a chaotic home
• financial debt/stress
• a strained marriage
• health problems and/or extra weight
• low self esteem

Did I miss anything? Ok here's the cool thing; a pit doesn't have a top. Yep, that's right. You can crawl out anytime your ready to tell God/Allah/the Universe that you're done trying to dig yourself out. Because digging yourself out actually just makes the pit deeper and darker. You have to reach out for spiritual guidance and strength to be able to get out of the pit. 

We have to stop complaining about the problems and concentrate on solutions. Taking 10 minutes a day to find a quiet moment and connect to your spirit (pray/meditate) will help you see the way through this time in your life and how to make it better. 

Before we explode at our kids because everyone is talking at once or they just spilled the last of the milk, let's take a deep breath, hold it for 3 seconds and then let it go. Am I perfect at this? Um, no. As a matter-of-fact I have had more yelling moments than I care to admit. However, the more often I try to take a step back and look at it from an outsiders perspective the more I realized that I lose my temper much easier with my own kids than with someone else's. So why am I screaming at my own kids whom I love so much more than the kid down the street? Accountability. There, I said it. If I scream at a neighbor's kid then they are going to go home and tell their parents. 

Unfortunately I forgot the accountability to my own kids in the heat of the moment. Guess what? My heart sees. God sees. One of my own pits has been accepting that I wasn't so patient when all of mine were very little. But I've asked for forgiveness and living in the past cannot change the future. It only keeps us chained down and wallowing in the mud from our tears. 

I have realized that my past choices are the reason that I am in this time and place in my life. While I am in a much better place than just three short years ago, my self esteem and relationships with my husband and kids are not where I want them to be. I've been trying to get out of the pit all by myself. Not working. 

Maybe you're where you are because of someone else's actions. Your husband, your parents, your ex, your boss, someone else pushed you into this pit. 

Or maybe you slipped in on accident. This is what I think happens to most of us. We're doing great then suddenly the mommy thing hits you with something crazy and you just slide right in.

Then there are other times we jump in with both feet. Yeah like when we say we're committed to getting healthy and we still eat that THIRD piece of chocolate cake. 

Let me share something awesome. (Everything is awesome!--yes I just had to add the Lego movie song)

We don't have to stay in the pit any more. All we have to do is reach up and embrace the spiritual peace that is waiting. 

I didn't come up with this theory all by myself. I'm reading 

Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore. (Yes it's an affiliate link.)

Mommy Makeover 2014- It's an all new year

It's a new year and I'm ready for some new goals. My #1 goal is to blog everyday. That's right, everyday. I have found out over the last few years that the best way to accomplish a goal is to remind yourself what those goals are on a daily basis. Hence the daily blog. I will forewarn you that a daily blog means that not every post will be some spiritual serious long-winded enlightened lightbulb moment. Sometimes it will simply be an acknowledgement that there are days that suck. Because we all know that there are days where nothing goes according to plan and we end up looking/feeling like we've been caught in a blender on high speed and splattered against the wall when someone opens the lid.

Now onto more specific goals for the year:

Home:Finish all home renovation projects while getting/keeping home organized and clean
       How to: I have a list of what needs to be accomplished. Each pay period I will take a set amount to accomplish at least ONE item on the list. Some times it's a simple new doorknob while other times it's new flooring for the basement. As for clean and organized, I am spending all of January decluttering and organizing my home as well as creating routines to keep it clean and to deep clean once a month.


Spiritual: Continue to search out a deeper connection to spirit and RELEASE MY FEAR of not being enough, not being able to accomplish enough and not being able to show my children the people they should be
       How to: Spend 20 minutes a day meditating/reading spiritual books

Financial: Debt free
      How to: Cut grocery budget and restaurant meals and use this money to pay on debt.


Health:  Lose 50 lbs. by becoming a stronger, healthier me
         How to: Start working the eating and exercise program that worked for me years ago. Each month I will make small but reasonable changes in my eating and exercise patterns.

Marriage: Continue working on our marriage (we're getting closer but would love to reach the next level)
        How to: Read marriage books and apply their principles. Schedule monthly date nights.

Children: Spend more time as a family and teach them a spirit of kindness, compassion AND responsibility and striving for excellence
         How to: Help kids to follow house rules (which were posted this month), spend more time together as a family (game night, movie night, family activity once a month, have them help with home renovations), have them do one act of kindness a month/week/day.


Career:  This is multi-faceted--embrace my role as homemaker fully, continue writing to establish a complete series, start a hot dog cart to work towards a family business(hubby and I will work this together).
          How to: Do all of my homemaking duties first. Designate time daily to write. Spend a certain amount of time working on business plan and fundraising efforts for hot dog cart. Launch hot dog cart by March/April. 


***Keep everything in balance. I must take care of my health in order to take care of my home and my family. Spending even a small amount of time a day on each goal will get me to the end game. 

** Family vacation--I will have to bring in extra money in order to pay for this. Money avenues will include the hot dog cart, selling stuff I declutter on Craigslist or yard sale, making clothes and other things from my fabric stash and selling online. 

What are your goals this year? Do you have an action plan? Without a plan you don't have goals, you have wishes or dreams. Dreams are great but where will you be at the end of the year?