Does That Little Voice Steal Your Happiness?

Every one had dreams growing up. Maybe it was to be a mom but you didn't realize how hard it would be. Maybe it was to be an astronaut or a famous artist, an actress or a star athlete. I studied for years to be a dancer. My big plan was to go to New York and be on Broadway. Let's just say that life and boys got in the way during my senior year of high school. Fast forward almost 20 years later. I have a hard working husband and four beautiful kids. I've got a positive outlook on life, or at least a more positive one than I've had in a long time and WHAM! I happen along Facebook which shows the people I went to school with on Broadway, writing for large news corporations, talking politics on television and performing all over the world.
That's when that little voice comes in to say, "See, you're just a housewife. Look at all of these successful people living exciting lives and you're living in the suburbs with nothing to show for yourself. Your life is half over and you haven't been anywhere or done anything."

Part of me aches for what could have been when I see all of these awesome adventures that people are taking and then I stop and realize that the grass is always greener on the other side. They may have the lights of Broadway or spend their days meeting important people, they might be a little envious of my family snuggling on the bed for our weekend movie nights. While I loathe doing laundry every day (yes, I have to change that to feeling blessed that we have clothes to wear) they might feel I'm lucky to have little arms to hug me and say 'I love you Mommy'.

So the next time you are investigating Facebook and feeling like you are less than someone else just realize that a lot of people look great on the outside but you never know what they are thinking when they are all alone.

Don't let anyone (including yourself) steal your happiness. Reality is nothing more than perception. Something I have learned:

• Be thankful for dirty dishes because it means that you have food to eat
• Be thankful for laundry because it means you have clothes to wear
• Be thankful you have water and electricity to clean these things
• Be thankful for the roof over your head(even if it leaks)
• Be thankful for the money you have and manage it wisely. You should manage your money not let your money manage you.

Happiness is not achieved through things or accomplishments. It's a state of being that we decide to be. So the next time you have a dirty diaper to change or the kids are arguing and you are at your wits end, try saying thank you. In your mind or out loud. Thank you God for this precious baby who is healthy. Thank you God for allowing me to teach these young children how to get along and how to work through their differences. Say it until you feel the peace come over your soul.

I pray that my trial and error and lessons learned the hard way can help another mom out there trying to get out of that hole and the chaos that ensues.

Are You Ready to Tackle the Mommy Makeover Challenge?

Do you feel as if life is passing you by and one day drags into the other? Do you sometimes yell at your babies or just wish everyone would leave you alone? Maybe you don't recognize the person in the mirror or your marriage is hanging by a thread. I'm not claiming that I am an expert but I will admit that I have been the mom that didn't want to drag herself off the couch, fed her kids pop tarts or grits for two or three meals in a row because it was just easier, cried herself to sleep or just cried all day and yes there were numerous days that I never saw the inside of the shower.. It took a while to pull myself out of that hole that I had sunk into. I had no friends or family nearby and I know that I was a horrible mother during that time. What  I want you to know is that you're not alone. 

I am no longer that woman. I do still struggle with my attitude about housework. That is a work in progress. I do still struggle with keeping my patience when all of the kids come at me at once. But today I have a mostly clean home, I am moving a little each day, I create meal plans, coupon, greet my kids with a smile after school and try to give them my complete attention with they are home. I no longer wait days to take a shower but I don't always put on makeup or fix my hair beyond a ponytail. That is something I want to work on.

I've put together this blog to help those that are looking for help and looking for hope. There weren't a lot of blogs out there when my oldest two were little and the feeling of loneliness, failure and often times pure despair were just overwhelming. 

You are not alone. You can change. You are worth it. Your kids are worth it. 

Mommy Makeover Reboot

It's been a while since I've written for this site but I thought it would be a good time to check in and start over.  When I started this blog a few years ago my goals were:

Annual goals: Deadline December 21, 2010

Home: new house

Spiritual: a sense of peace and spiritual understanding

Financial: debt free except for one car and home

Health: lose 50 lbs. eat only foods that are good for me

Marriage: renewed relationship with my husband

Children: better relationship with kids, they are more responsible and treat each other better

Career:  having released 6 books, earning $4000 per month

I have checked off a few of those. We have a new house. We have only one car payment and about half of our debt is paid down. More would be gone but we have been detoured with braces and surgery bills. So all in all we are doing pretty awesome in that department.

My spiritual life is still a work in progress. My weight is still here. My marriage is quite a bit better than it was and we're still working on it. My children get along better and I am learning to adjust from the little years to the teen and pre-teen years. It's weird to transition from conversations with a teen to a 6 year old so that's something new.

The career thing has it's ups and downs. I currently have six books out in varying genres but I'm not quite pulling in that $4000 a month. 

I tell you all of this to tell you that it's okay to fall down. It's okay to fail. The key is to get back up, dust yourself off and move forward. That's what this blog is for. 

New goals for September 2013-September 2014:

Home: refinished inside and landscaping outside (while very livable upstairs the house needs paint and new carpet or hardwood to replace the 30+ year old carpet, the basement needs to bed finished off)

Spiritual: continue searching for a spiritual connection

Financial: press towards being debt free so that we can have the freedom to vacation and do more as a family

Health: better health and 50-60 lbs smaller

Marriage: to get back my best friend

Children: teaching them to be productive citizens while showing them unconditional love

Career: publish 6-12 books and begin earning $4000-$8000 a month

I will confess that I am much more productive than I was a few years ago. I don't let the cleaning go forever and I am able to make decent meals most of the time. Some days get away from me but learning what I was doing with my time and how much I was letting go really hit me hard. I must confess that I feel guilty about the way life was when my kids were smaller. They are still small but the oldest is almost 15 and I feel as if I have soooo screwed her up because of my depression and the constant chaos during the first half of her life. My goal this year is to truly reconnect with her and to forgive myself of the guilt that sometimes threatens to overwhelm me. 

What are your goals? 

How Much Stuff is in Your Life

Thursday Toss and Tidy

Today is organization tips and tricks right? First I would like to address some of the things from yesterday. Look around at all of your stuff. How much of it brings you true joy? Honestly think about the term joy. What does it bring to mind? Playing with your kids? A night out with your significant other? Or more stuff? What if you got rid of the stuff and created a more harmonious atmosphere to live in? What if you stopped buying new stuff with the aim to spend that money on doing things with your family? How much more joyous would your life be?

Here's a trick I learned: Look at one particular area-your bed, your desk- now close your eyes and imagine it clean. Everything is cleared off and straightened. Now open your eyes and merge the two images together. You should feel a new surge of inspiration in order to clean it. Set a timer and see how much you can accomplish in 5,10,15, or even 20 min.

Want to do an entire room at the time? Start in one corner and work your way clockwise or counter-clockwise around the room. This saves time if you don't continue traveling back and forth across the room.

Commit to spending 30 min - 1 hour a day decluttering your home one room at a time. This may take one week or more depending on the size of your house. My home has seven rooms and a long hallway so I am doing the bathroom and the hallway in one day.

Don't forget the bloghop for Haiti. I will donate money to Compassion International Haiti Relief for every unique comment and every follower that occurs by Friday, January 22 at 12AM.

It's All in Your Head

Wellness Wednesday

For those of you that are following this blog, you know that I have pledged to spend 10 minutes a day in meditation. These last few days I have had what Oprah Winfrey calls my 'lightbulb moment'. I realized that the condition of my health (my being overweight) was all a result of my overeating. Okay, not rocket science. But I realized that my overeating wasn't because I liked food (which I do). It's from feeling out of control, from feeling less-than, from feeling as if every situation around me is helpless. To quote a cliche', I have been eating my feelings for about 5 years. That's a long, long time.

Transfer that to my feeling trapped by the chaos and the clutter in my home and it's a recipe for a very angry woman. The problem being that my feelings of anger and helplessness created the chaos that I live in. It's a vicious circle that has continued on until today.

This epiphany that I wasn't my feelings and that I can be as healthy as I want to be was a smack in the face. I know that it sounds dumb for a woman in her 30's to "discover" these truths. But it wasn't that my brain didn't understand. It was that my heart and soul didn't understand. In order to be healthy, the mind, body and soul must all be in alignment. When one of them is missing then things do not run smoothly. My health is a result of the choices I make. Whether past, present, or future these are all my decisions. If my body is not calm then neither will my mind and spirit, the converse is true also.

Take a moment today and reflect on why your life/health is the way that it is. Are you overweight? Maybe you're thin but you stay tired all of the time. Are your emotions out of sinc? Do you fly off the handle and snap at people often? How healthy do you want to be and what steps do you need to accomplish it?

Love is not Selfish, Are You?

Togetherness Tuesday

In following along with The Love Dare, we come to the subject of selfishness. When a husband or wife puts their wants ahead of their spouses needs this is selfish. Even if our intentions are noble, if it is sacrificing our spouses needs then we are being selfish. How many times have you been guilty of this? I know that this has happened to me quite often. It most often manifests in the fact that I would much rather take the time to accomplish what I believe is necessary while my children or husband have certain needs that should be met in order to make them feel loved, wanted and secure. Today marks a changing point in my selfish ways. I will focus more on what my husband needs to feel loved instead of what I think will make him feel that way.


Don't forget to help the Haiti victims by leaving a comment or becoming a follower.

BlogHop for Haiti- I'll donate money and you can help out too.

I have been searching for a way to help the people of Haiti but had yet to come up with something other than a few dollars. That is until I found Tania over at Larger Family Life hosting Bloghop for haiti. As of today, it's official, the bloghop for Haiti starts  and will run through Friday, January 22. This is open to anyone with a blog that wants to raise money and awareness for the Haitian victims. I will personally donate .25 for every comment on this blog, .50 for every follower that joins between now and Friday. I will also donate all google sense proceeds between Monday nd Friday. If you would like to donate money or join the Blog Hop for Haiti then click on over to Larger Family Life and find out more.